Okay first off- Please read the info threads we link you, it will help you learn the world and lore. You can also glance at some other profiles if you need some guidance as to how most people on Pern live.
I go into some detail below but the main point is- Volkhardt and Zolfiviath need to be made into characters that belong on Pern. We are open to what we allow to be adapted into a character, but it needs to be adapted to fit the site and the lore.
The thread title should include the dragon's color. For example "Volkhardt of Bronze Zolfiviath"
Appearance: We require a full paragraph for appearance. You can branch out into how he walks, what he speaks like, whatever you'd like but flesh it out a bit. Also what do you mean by "cloth knight's garb"? Pern doesn't have knights. Please be more specific. Do you mean a long tunic and leggings? Remember when actually riding he'll need riding leathers- special clothes riders use for protection.
His play-by must be named. If you cannot find the name for this model, I suggest choosing a more well known actor from a TV show or movie. For instance, Game of Thrones has many knightly looking men, some of them even have beards. Play-bys are not required though.
Some characters just go without pictures although if you go that route I suggest describing what your character looks like in words.
Personality: This section must be at least two paragraphs. Flesh it out. What does he like? How does he spend his time? How does he relate to people? How does he see the world? How is he selfish? What sort of things make him lose his temper while drunk? What does he think of the leadership? Of the state of the weyr? Is he a traditionalist? Things like that will all help flesh out who he is as a character.
Also what do you mean by "the cause"? Is it a specific cause? The fight to protect Pern? Any issue he's decided is important that day?
History: How is his family unknown if he grew up with them? Just make up some names and fill out who his parents are and any siblings he has. Also please give a general location for his cothold. Just "A small cothold in Fort's territory" is fine.
The ordering of the first paragraph seems a bit odd. I presume his parents died and he took over the farm before the rider came? Please try to order events chronologically for everyone's ease of comprehension.
The circumstances of his search do not make sense. Riders and dragons can teleport through a place known as between which means they don't take long journeys across Pern. Candidates are chosen through a process known as Search, where dragons look at potential candidates and Search the ones with telepathic potential. It's not about having a kind heart or being nice to strangers. The ability to Impress is simply something some people have and others don't and that dragons can detect. It's not a moral judgment.
Once he was Searched, the Searchpair would simply fly Volkhardt to the weyr, teleporting again through between. He wouldn't be left to make his own way and it wouldn't be a particularly difficult journey.
After arriving at the weyr, he would have had lessons as a part of candidacy to teach him what being a rider entailed. Volkhardt would not have had the chance to Impress until a gold's clutch was ready to hatch and would likely have spent some time at the weyr learning before then.
Hatchlings on Pern are not known as whelplings- they are called hatchlings or dragonets. Impression doesn't require any physical contact- the dragon looks into his rider's eyes, the dragon's eyes turn rainbow and a telepathic bond is forged. Bronzes even as hatchlings are big enough a bite would cause some serious damage and most dragonets do not bite their riders. If he was bitten- you need to explain why his own dragon would bite him. This is not an excuse to say he bit his rider out of that sheer malice or on a whim. Hatchlings are stressed and easily overwhelmed until they find their match and this is usually why bites happen.
Weyrlinghood isn't particularly brutal. Weyrlings have lessons, do chores and bond with their dragonet. The classes shouldn't have come as any great shock because Volkhardt would have attended similar ones throughout candidacy. Note that weyrlings are not allowed to be physically intimate and should be focused on their dragons and studies- not their romantic prospects. Also in Volkhardt's case, weyrlinghood occurred over a decade ago. His crush does not need to be mentioned unless it somehow made a lasting impression (for instance if this was when he realized he romantically preferred men) in which case you need to explain that.
Weyrlinghood lasts 1 and a half years, not two. They practice flying from the sixth month onwards. While weyrlings do have to pass a final exam, it's not anything this dramatic. It's just a test to prove they've learned what they need to know and are ready to be riders. Most don't think much of it once it's done.
Please add a few sentences about what he's been up to since weyrlinghood. It's been 15 years. That's a huge chunk of his life. What's his life been like in all that time? Please read our
timeline. A lot's happened in the time he's been a rider. When he graduated, he would have been fighting a war against other weyrs. Peace was declared and thread started again during his tenure as a rider. And that's without going into any of the Fort Weyr internal politics. Some of this should be addressed.
Zolfiviath: Dragons are Pern are not called "Lord". Zolfiviath can style himself that but nobody else is going to call him Lord Zolfiviath.
Appearance: Dragons on Pern do not have stats. If you mean he is of average size, please simply say so although note that he is on the larger end of bronzes. There are other dark bronzes on Pern so he would not have been given a demeaning nickname over it. Not to mention "Mudskin" has some nasty RL connotations so please cut that.
Personality: This must be expanded to two full paragraphs. The same as for his rider- how does he relate to others? What are his political views? Does he have ambitions of his own? How does he approach his duties? Does he work hard or like goofing off?