Pan's Soliloquies

[Pan]

Child of the Sun
Liau of Blue Chugoth - High Reaches Weyr, Early Fall 2762
While Liau hardly wanted to Impress away from home--away from his fathers--he could not deny any chance for a dragon. He found himself at High Reaches for an interesting clutch, indeed. Gold Lutrath had been caught by a green, which had somehow resulted in a clutch. Interesting, indeed.

So, Liau stood for the clutch, quietly standing on his own as the candidates gathered. Oh, he did his duty, donning his robes and bowing to the queen. Everything that was expected of him was completed. Socializing was optional, and he let others approach him should they wish. No one did. That was fine by him.

Hardly a good omen, the eggs had decided to hatch during a late-night storm. He'd been woken up from his sleep, but he hardly begrudged the eggs their time to shine. As he blinked sleep from his eyes, he glanced towards the stands. He quickly spotted J'zar's green, knowing his fathers were watching him on this day. They couldn't be more proud, or so they said, of their candidate "son."

Found family was certainly better than blood family, Liau thought.

The first dragon to hatch was a blue, and what a blue he was! A brightly colored, cheerful thing, so full of energy. Liau smiled. Despite his age, he felt mature, almost old. As he stood there, watching, he hardly moved. The blue seemed to struggle to find his, though, causing Liau to frown deeply. Finally, the panicked creature scrambled into the stands, and Liau let out a small sigh of relief. It would have been tragic had the dragon betweened...what a strange way for the hatching to start. At least the blue had found his.

The blue was followed by a bulky brown, a handsome lad despite his strange shape. He knocked into a few candidates (on purpose), and paused to give several a look of disapproval. He seemed to find Liau unworthy of his time, as he gave a dismissive snort towards the nonbinary individual. Liau simply smiled as the little brown shoved him aside, as he had so many other candidates. When the brown chose, Liau nodded politely to his rider. No hard feelings, despite the apparent intended slight.

The next blue Impressed with little fanfare, the first dragon not to knock any candidates over or cause any fuss. A happy Impression, it seemed. Liau smiled to the lucky bond.

Another egg began to hatch. An egg that Liau had looked forward to. He recalled the egg's response to him, at the touching...

For as cold as this egg had been to others, it burst to life only when Liau touched it. The Child of the Sun had been outright unmoving, but this one candidate made the warmth hidden deep inside this dragonet overflow and outright shine. Maybe they were supposed to be together.

Did Liau dare hope? He'd gotten such a response from the egg, despite the other candidates seeming to find the egg cold or even downright disdainful. His chest tightened as the shell began to crack. A blue hatched, handsome and strong. He shook the goop off his body, before approaching the line of boys. Liau had chosen to stand alongside them, despite his feminine appearance and nonbinary identity, and his heart nearly stopped as the dragon seemed to head in his direction. Could it be, could it be? The blue was so handsome, so sure...why did Liau feel this strange hope, this constrained feeling in his chest, holding his breath in anticipation...

He marched towards the other candidates, and every time he gave a disdainful look towards someone, Liau's stomach turned. Would he choose one of them? Surely, Liau didn't stand out much. But why was he so invested? Surely he wouldn't be the best choice for this regal, incredible dragon...but no, the blue sat politely beside him, snorting as he greeted Liau. I apologize for the wait. Some of those other sorts were too poor a stock for one as glorious as I, the Child of the Sun. Come now, I, your Chugoth requires food... and possibly to kick Setth in the face.

"Chugoth..." Liau trailed off. The roiling emotions within him shifted from a ripple to a tempest, as he tried his best to hold back tears. As his eyes watered, he blinked the tears back. Even now, he had to keep himself calm, not show emotion, no matter how positive it was, but he couldn't help himself.

All at once, the young candidate's mask cracked. Tears dripped down his face, emotions he tried not to express exploding into his heart. He wiped away the tears, sniffling, aware that he looked foolish. So long of maintaining a flawless mask, and it had to crack in front of the whole weyr. Still...he couldn't find himself caring. "Chugoth!" He cried out, as new weyrlings often did, announcing the dragon's name to the world.

Emotion is to be expected...but please, would you pull yourself together? I am quite hungry, and this entire ordeal has been unpleasant. I wish to eat, and then perhaps I shall sleep. He gave another snort, but his tone was softer than it would be for someone else. Liau, you are mine. I am yours. That is that. Now, I do require food. Now, if you would. Stop that. No. You are getting snot on my hide. Please, Liau, this is not very dignified. But Liau couldn't stop himself from embracing the dragon, sniffling all over poor Chugoth, before remembering himself. He quickly straightened, wiping his face off.

Don't worry. I'll clean you off...once we get you food. I apologize. I was...overcome with emotion. He couldn't help but smile, and despite Chugoth's annoyed snort, he knew that the blue was quite pleased.

Make way! The glorious Chugoth and his magnificent Liau require the crowd to part! Chugoth demanded of the nearby candidates, who scuttled out of the way at his demand, much to the blue's pleasure. Liau smiled softly, following Chugoth towards the food. He didn't think of his fathers, in that moment, but could only think of Chugoth.

His dragon. His child of the sun.

[Pan]

We All Make Mistakes
Lace of Garnet Rozeth - Fort Weyr, Late Summer 2765
TW: Mauling, injury, etc.
Candidacy had been an exciting time for Lace. Seeing dragons hatch as little awkward things, waiting for her own dragon to finally be shelled...she would wait as long as it took, so long as they were quick enough. It would be rather irritating to age out and have her dragon pick her from the stands, after all! A garnet, she thought, or a gold--perhaps one of those unique colors. As she made her way to the hatching sands, not minding the fact that it was raining or late in the evening, she smiled to herself. Perhaps this would be the one! Serapheth had even clutched a gold egg, which, perhaps, might be for her. At a Weyr like Fort, Impressing gold did come with certain...perks. But oh, garnet was also so lovely. Pink, red, purple--her favorite colors.

Not that she'd reject any dragon, of course.

The young woman bowed towards Serapheth, a sweeping gesture, before taking her place among the other candidates. She peered at the eggs, wondering which would hatch first. Would it be the obvious answer, or would one of the most still of eggs surprise them all?

But no, the first to hatch was the most active egg, though the blue didn't move once he'd hatched. Lace peered forward, concerned, though she didn't let this show on her face. When he got up, the weyr breathed a collective sigh of relief. He Impressed, and as Lace knew, he was not for her. The next blue, similarly, not for her. Big Zam was the next egg, which revealed a brown...one that looked far too predatory for Lace's liking.

And then, the creature bit into someone's arm, a clearly malicious gesture. Lace winced in sympathy. A candidate tried to grab onto the brown, hoping to protect the other candidate, but it only made things worse...until another dragon emerged from the shards of Big Zam's egg. Tackling his oversized twin, the new brown fought his sibling, and both emerged from the fight bloodied and scratched. It was awful to behold, little dragon babies fighting each other.

Both Impressed, their bonded riders managing to split them apart. Well, that was that, was it not? Surely, that would be the end of the violence. Indeed, the next bronze that hatched Impressed without much fanfare, followed by a polite little green. White, green, and then...twin garnets. So lovely, such a red pair! Lace was disappointed when both passed her up, but the clutch was hardly finished. Lace barely wasted time on watching, once she realized they weren't for her, barely noticing the weyrling that fainted.

And then...the most lovely garnet of all hatched. She was purple, gorgeous, and wonderful. Red eyes, but so beautiful. And then...the wrong person gazed at her. She threw herself full-force at a candidate, ripping at the poor girl's face. The garnet's voice sounded in Lace's mind, screeching with the indignity. How dare this wretched thing look at me! How dare! Not fit to lay eyes on me, I will ensure you never see Kshatriyath! HA! I will take everything from you for this offense! Lace! Help me slay this offender!

Lace had no time to be dazed by Impression. She ran towards the rampaging dragon, pulling Rozeth off of Ariel. No, stop! She wrapped her arms around Rozeth, heedless of the scratching of the upset dragon's claws. Eventually, Rozeth stopped struggling, just as a green chose Ariel. The green turned to Rozeth and Lace with aggression--perhaps warranted, Lace could admit--but Lace wouldn't let anyone harm her lovely Rozeth.

Everything had moved so fast--Lace's Impression moment had been stolen by her own dragon. She quickly hauled her little Rozeth away, despite the garnet's protests. You're so much prettier without getting green ichor on your hide, don't harm her dragon too, Lace told her, scornfully, and that seemed to be enough to allow the garnet to finally settle down.

Lace didn't focus on much of the rest of the hatching--Nornth included--because she finally took a moment to bask in the glory that was Rozeth.

"Rozeth...dearest, darlingest, sweet little Rozeth." Lace smiled, hugging the dragon, even as Rozeth snorted, unamused.

A lady requires food after such...physical activities. Defending my honor is exhausting, the garnet replied. Though... Hesitation colored her voice.

It's okay, we all make mistakes, Lace replied, eagerly.

No, I simply am wondering what others will say, darling. Will they view me as a coward for not facing my sister? Ah...they are beneath us. It does not matter.

[Pan]

Breaking the Pattern
Y'suba of Brown Einth - Semaca Weyr, Late Spring 2769
A garnet clutch was nothing to turn up your nose at, and Yotsuba could not have been more excited. Her impatience was unmatched, and she'd been more flighty than usual as of late. Despite the approach of her 18th nameday, she was far more interested in Minevath's eggs. Her nameday was a close second, of course. The eggs were uniform in size and color, markingless...and somehow, the plainness of the eggs only made her more curious. What mysteries would they find within them?

As she threw on her robes, she ran her hand through her messy curls, inspecting herself in the mirror. She had a good feeling about this one, but she always thought that. Yotsuba left every hatching crushed and disappointed, so sure as she'd been that this one was the one. She just wanted to join her brother as a rider...

The first egg didn't split cleanly in two, but its hatching drew her eye regardless. Little fractal cracks ran over the surface. Yotsuba quirked an eyebrow--was that normal? Well, what did she care! One of these four eggs would hold her dragon. There was a 25% chance that this was her egg, then! This one sure took its time, though...so slow. So boring! Why was the egg taking so long? So careful...didn't it know that it didn't need the extra fanfare of a pretty hatching? Hatchings were messy and quick, which was how they ought to be, and...

And a brown! A brown hatched! So handsome, with such pretty markings. He moved so slowly, with such care, inspecting each candidate in turn. He inspect her, too...but passed her by. Was his bonded in the stands? Once he'd looked over all the candidates, however, he walked towards his bonded. A mind suddenly merged with hers, an alien mind but one full of some sort of love, regardless. Hm... You. Yes, I do think... you. There is much you will teach me. Hm... What is... fish?

"Fish? Slimy things that live in water." Aww, he was cuter than a tiny kitten!

Fascinating...I have much to learn about this world...what is...a kitten? Oh. This would definitely be one who wanted to see the world. She could appreciate that strange curiosity...

"Baby felines! You'll HAVE to see one..."

And...why do you pretend to be who you are not...? This final question was a bit harder to answer, and Y'suba just shrugged, leading her dragon over to the food.

[Pan]

Dragonflight
Nova of White Scryth - High Reaches Weyr, Winter 2771

Graduation approached, and the further into weyrlinghood that Scryth got, the more keenly aware they were of their flightlessness. Soon, they would need to pick a squad, while the rest of their class chose a wing. Perhaps it would be better to be useful, or at least as useful as they could be, than to wait awkwardly by the sidelines while their siblings learned to fly and between.

Oh, how Scryth yearned to fly. How they yearned to reach for the skies. It wasn't just about being useful and strong, not just for the sake of their rider and weyr. It was for their own sake as well. They frequently dreamed about a world in which their egg hadn't been cracked. Nova might have decided that without a crack, Scryth would have been bronze, but Scryth was under no such delusions. But if their egg hadn't cracked, maybe they wouldn't be so weak and frail, and maybe, just maybe, their wings would be fully developed and intact.

They knew they couldn't fly. They knew it. It was impossible. Their wings were weak, even weaker than the rest of their body, with torn wingsails and underdeveloped muscle. There was no way they could fly. They'd given a few wing flaps in private before, hoping that they might feel some form of strength, some hope that they could get off the ground, but no.

Scryth wasn't stupid, but they were distressed and upset. Under the dark of night, while Nova was asleep, they snuck out of the weyrling barracks, headed to the lake. They had to know, had to be sure. In the middle of the night, no one would catch them in the act, at least, they hoped not. They didn't want the embarrassment or shame associated with that.

As the moonlight glanced over the water, the white dragon gave a soft sigh. They were worried. Worried they couldn't fly. Worried they could. But deep down, they knew the truth. Still...they had to try. They had to know, for sure, without a shadow of a doubt...

Maybe they could at least get a small glide going?

They knew better than to try to launch themselves off something too high, of course. And even moreso, they knew better than to do it over hard ground. Still, they found a small, elevated area near the lake, one that they could get a running start and launch themselves over the lake. If (or when) they fell, they'd land in the water, and the drop wouldn't be enough to hurt or bother them, beyond just the unavoidable shame.

As the dragon raced along the ground, spreading their wings, they prepared for liftoff. As they leapt from the ground, they felt a glimmer of hope, as they beat their ragged wings. Was that? Could it be? Were they flying?

Wishful thinking.

Scryth dropped like a rock, the water rushing up to meet them. They gave a soft, piteous cry, flailing for a few seconds as they tried to get their bearing. No, they said, softly, an utterance to no one but themselves. They paddled over to the shore, eyes whirling with yellows of anxiety and distress. No...it couldn't be. Any hopes, any dreams, any wishes of flight...dashed. They'd known, of course. Of course, they'd known. But trying and failing, that only added more to the pain. Had they been able to blush, their cheeks would have been hot with shame. They felt silly, felt stupid. What had they expected? A miracle?

No such thing as a miracle, it seemed. But as they shook off their hide, they moved back towards the elevated area. Maybe...maybe they could try again. Maybe they just had to learn...

They took another running start--with the same results. And again. And again. Growing desperate and distressed, they didn't realize they'd woken up their rider. They didn't notice Nova's presence, as the weyrling had made their way silently to the lake. With a soft sigh, the dragon lowered their head with shame, lying down in a pile of self-pity.

"Scryth." Nova's voice startled them. When had Nova gotten here? How much had they seen? Were they angry? To Scryth's surprise, Nova's cool tone had a strange hint of softness, however. Scryth watched as they approached, the rider laying their hand on their dragon's side. "We will never fly. We will never be great wingleaders, will never show displays of physical prowess in comparison to even the weakest and most pathetic of dragonkind." Scryth wilted at their words. "However."

However...?

"We can still be great. And we will still be great." Scryth wasn't sure they believed Nova, but they knew that Nova believed their own words. The white appreciated their rider's kindness, a rare but cherished moment.

Soon, they would join a squad. Not a wing, a squad. They could only do their best, but Scryth knew that their best would never be good enough. Not to themselves, not to their weyr, and certainly, not to Nova. They would let their rider down again and again, and they knew it...

"You will let me down, yes," Nova agreed, picking up on their thoughts and causing them to whither a bit. "That is an inevitable outcome. However...I find your presence to be...enjoyable, regardless, at times. Perhaps it is simply a matter of refining what we believe to be our strengths. Our combined intelligence is beyond what other pairs boast. We must use it to our advantage--"

Scryth's shame and pity mixed with affection, lighting up again as their rider spoke so highly of them. Nova, however, quickly broke off. "No. Don't do that. Do not make this into a 'thing.' It is not a big deal. Stop." Scryth couldn't help it. Nova's affection and respect was more valuable to them than the strongest, most capable, most flight-worthy body a dragon could ever hope for.

Scryth felt it, finally. Unconditional--or only slightly conditional--love and acceptance from their rider. Maybe they didn't feel like they deserved it, but it made their heart soar in a way their body never could. Nova just fixed Scryth with a glare, but even their best scowl couldn't hide the fact that they cared about Scryth, at least in their own way.

[Pan]

Gold Fever
Nova of White Scryth / Candidate Nyrida - High Reaches Weyr, Early Winter 2771
As the whiteweyrling strode through the lower caverns, their voice could be heard a mile away. They were quite pleased that Toki was leaving. "Of course that Toki is transferring to Benden of all places. I am quite glad she will be gone, however. She has been nothing but trouble. Good riddance."

Unfortunately, they happened to be within earshot of someone who did not think it was such good luck that Toki was leaving. "Hm? Did I mishear you, perhaps? I have not heard of this rumor...?" Nyrida looked over to Nova, approaching cautiously. She knew that Nova was a miserable and unpleasant person, from their time as candidates together, but she doubted they would remember her. Nova looked over to Nyrida, and indeed, there was no flicker of recognition or any indication that they cared to remember her at all. Instead, they simply shrugged.

"It isn't a rumor. It was announced today. She will be transferring out, though she will donate her maiden clutch to us."

Nyrida frowned. Toki hadn't told her about that. Toki had been distant for the past month or so, and for a week or two, Toki had been refusing to see Nyrida at all. She wasn't surprised, exactly, that something like this was happening, but she was hurt. Toki was leaving? And she hadn't told Nyrida? "Well...you shouldn't speak ill of her decisions, regardless. She is under quite a bit of stress."

Nova looked unamused. "She is detestable and, quite frankly, I am pleased to see her go."

"Many would say the same of you." Venom dripped from Nyrida's voice. "I apologize, perhaps that was a bit rude, but it isn't as though I am in pleasant company at the moment."

"And what is your problem, then? If you are so annoyed, go away. Go on, shoo." Nova glared at Nyrida in response, which Nyrida returned. The two kept their eyes fixed on each other for a few seconds, before Nova huffed. "I have no time for insignificant candidates who are so unworthy of a dragon that they feel the need to suck up to an obnoxious goldrider. You know that will not help your chances, correct?" Apparently, Nova did know who she was, after all.

Nyrida opened her mouth, but bit back her retort. This wouldn't serve her. She turned on her heel, headed to the weyrling barracks. Of course, even she knew that no matter how many times she knocked on Toki's door, her friend wouldn't answer her.

[Pan]

You can be king again
L'renn of Blue Egaliath - Fort Weyr, Early Spring 2772
Mite looked around her new quarters, shocked at how large they were. It made sense, she supposed. Egaliath seemed so large, even if he wasn't the largest from the clutch by far, but technically, he was smaller than he would ever be again. From here on out, he'd only get bigger, and when he did...they'd definitely need the extra space. It would be weird not to have a human roommate. She felt bad dismissing any past roommates, but felt that they would understand, as she decided she had the best possible roommate she could ask for.

The young weyrling looked over to Egaliath, admiring his lovely blue hide, which was only more brilliant after getting cleaned and oiled. The blue was full, clean, and settling down for bed, resting his head on his forelimbs...but he didn't seem content. "What's wrong, Egaliath?"

I am just considering the future. For me, for you, for Fort. The more I learn about Fort, the more I worry. I can only hope that things end well, but...I feel helpless. Thoughts of the turmoil surrounding Fort's political atmosphere weighed on him from the moment he'd heard them. I must still consider how I want to live my brief life, how I can help or make a difference. My time on Pern is, by necessity, limited; we will only exist for a brief moment. But I am happy to spend every moment by your side. She frowned, causing him to look up at her, the yellow worry in his eyes growing deeper. I don't mean to burden you. There is still hope, and I haven't forgotten that. This should be a joyful day for you...even if I made you wait. I hope you are happy regardless.

"Of course! I'd do anything for you, Egaliath. Of course I'm happy! I love you, and I didn't mind waiting, I promise. It worked out in the end, either way, didn't it?" He hummed softly in agreement, but Mite wondered how a little dragon could have such burdens. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, perhaps, but for all his regality, he didn't seem to have much desire to lead, so much as make a difference.

He gave a soft rumble of approval, before lowering his head. We can talk later, Mite. If you need me, you may wake me. I will always be there for whatever you need. But...I need to sleep. It is what must be done.

Mite snickered, patting his head. "Sleep, silly!" she replied, and watched as the dragonet fell asleep in a matter of seconds. Mite was left alone with her thoughts, which usually only meant she indulged every passing fancy, let her imagination run wild. Today, though...she took a moment to reflect. To slow down, for once, and think about the events of today, and where she wanted to go with her future. She hadn't thought much about the future, not before Egaliath, but it seemed important to him. Besides, she'd done the one thing she'd hoped for in her future: Impress. What now?

Maybe...it was time to grow up. She hated the idea, wanted to cling to her childhood forever, but she was a weyrling now, and how she interacted with the world wouldn't just influence her, it would reflect poorly on Egaliath. Was it time to become a little less childish? Maybe she knew that a tunnelsnake would be a bad pet...maybe she knew better than to run around like a child and come back to her weyr dirty. She didn't want to act more mature, but, maybe it was time to learn how to be serious, at least sometimes. Maybe it was time to stop being unapologetically "weird," even if she didn't really want to. She knew she was a bit odd, even considered it a positive quality, and she didn't mind if it only reflected on her, but...

Mite looked at her dragon. Egaliath was so mature, so strong. Serious, even. She admired him, even if he was different from her in every way. She had some suspicions about what life with Egaliath would be like--less slacking off, more work, adherence to "schedules" and "routines"--but maybe those were all good things. Maybe they would make her, somehow, more of an adult. More of the rider Egaliath deserved. Someone who could be serious when she had to. But no matter what, she wouldn't stop being a ray of optimistic sunshine. He needed some of that. Just...maybe a little more...mature about it, even if she wasn't really sure what mature meant.

What about her name? She liked the name Mite, and couldn't part with it entirely, but deep down, she knew it was a childish name. Adults didn't go by "Mite," and she was practically an adult, now. She was almost 17, after all, far to old to still be going by a childhood nickname. But her birthname--Lyirenn--she still didn't care for it. Eliding, though! That felt like a very mature thing to do. "L'renn," she murmured, testing out the way it sounded. Yes...she liked that. L'renn. That was her name: L'renn.

L'renn of Blue Egaliath.

[Pan]

I would kill for you
Crux of White Miasmath - Telgar Weyr, Winter 2769
This would probably be Crux's last hatching. At least it was a gold hatching--large enough to hold many chances for them. No other dragons showed signs of rising, and by this point, they wouldn't have clutched in time, anyways. Less than a season--maybe a month or so--and Crux would age out.

To say that they were bitter was an understatement.

They stood before the clutch, average in size but still larger than any garnet clutch. While they could appreciate the fact that their weyrleader was blue, they almost wished that a bronze or brown had caught the queen. More eggs meant more chances...but they'd failed this long. Ten long years had passed far too quickly, leaving them without a dragon. Their brother, adding insult to injury, had Impressed at his first clutch. Well, maybe Crux would balance it out by Impressing at their last.

They could hope, but they weren't the hopeful sort. As they walked onto the sands, they gave a scowl to anyone who so much as glanced their way. Fists balled for a moment as they bowed to the golden queen, before taking their place with the other candidates.

Eggs hatched. One after another, new dragonets emerging and choosing their bondeds. None were particularly interested, perhaps in part because none of them chose Crux. Their scowl deepened as the hatching went on, until there were just a few eggs left.

And then...something interesting hatched. They'd heard about the black-hued White dragons, but they'd never seen one. When the beautiful white emerged, Crux gave a soft, inadvertent gasp. She was so beautiful. The little lace-covered face poked out of its shell, melting Crux's heart. The little creature rose from her shell, regal and dignified...before falling flat on her face. And then giving a frustrated little blep. Crux! Please come help your Miasmath!! I haven't quite gotten the hang of my feet yet! I cannot believe I am falling in the middle of winter! In her eagerness, Miasmath broadcasted her terrible joke and her silliness to the entire weyr.

Crux's ears flushed slightly, but they shook off the embarrassment and moved towards their little dragon. Miasmath flicked her tail happily from side to side. There you are! I love you so much, I'm so glad to properly meet you! I hope you don't mind me making you wait.

Crux leaned over to Miasmath, picking her up gently, and whispered in her ear, "I would kill for you."

Don't do that!

[Pan]

Reflections
K'rou of Blue Nonaryth - High Reaches Weyr, Fall 2772
K'rou's left thigh is burned when some burning Thread falls on her (Mild). Nonaryth, in his haste to get on the ground for her to get medical attention, flubs his landing and smashes his chest into the ground, breaking a couple of ribs (Moderate)

While her wing hadn't done too poorly, while K'rou had still led well, she'd gotten injured. Her burn was mild--they'd slapped some numbweed on it, cleaned it up, bandaged it, and sent her on her way. But Nonaryth had broken some ribs while trying to get her tended to. It seemed unlike him, to some degree, to be so hasty, to rush to protect her, especially over something so minor. They'd been riders for so long...why had he made such a rookie mistake over a minor injury? She shielded these thoughts from him, but she did wonder...why had he acted that way?

But...the wing had, otherwise, been largely unharmed. Other than Nonaryth, there were a few bumps and bruises, but nothing worth worrying about. She had done well, she had led well.

And hadn't her wing largely done well under her leadership? She'd been reluctant to accept the position, but was willing to trust in Weyrleadership when they indicated her capability around it. And...they'd been right, hadn't they? She mulled this thought over. Sure, leading a wing required less than leading a weyr, for example, but...she'd never thought herself cut out for any kind of leadership. But leading the wing cam naturally, almost. It was simple pattern recognition, calling the shots in a way that suited her strengths. Keeping people safe, and efficiently destroying the ancient enemy of Pern.

Perhaps she didn't know herself as well as she'd thought. Or, for that matter, Nonaryth. He'd been oddly quiet since the injury, and he hadn't expressed why. That wasn't particularly unlike them, not to communicate, and K'rou had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. Perhaps a little bit of her mental shield slipped, or perhaps he had guessed her thoughts, but Nonaryth spoke into her mind, from where he sat in the healer's quarters.

I had to keep you safe, he said. It is unfortunate, but my attachment to you clouded my thoughts...I am displeased with these actions. We are both doomed to die, someday, and yet...I do not want this to happen.

K'rou frowned, sitting up. She was in her weyr...but perhaps she should visit him. Speaking like this...it was very much unlike him. It was a minor injury, she replied, finally, uncertain how to handle this situation.

I know. I...reacted. A poor call. It seems even I am fallible, just as much so as any... Nonaryth seemed almost...mournful? Strange to hear these emotions from him.

You will recover, K'rou said, hoping this would reassure him. He did not reply. The mutual understanding the two shared...a chasm grew within it. Did she really understand him as well as she thought? Was he more than he seemed, more...emotional? More sensitive? More human, so to speak?

Was she, as well?

She felt the urge to reassure him, to comfort him. That was not her wheelhouse, was not something she knew what to do about. But he'd fallen silent. What could she do, how could she help him? Perhaps she'd ask someone...but who could help her with this?