[TW: Sad thoughts on what-ifs]RegretsNow that spring had made its way to High Reaches, Daedra thought to do something she'd never been in the practice of doing before:
Spring Cleaning!
Not to say that the young woman wasn't in the practice of keeping things tidy, but she'd never really had enough personal possessions that could accumulate to the point of needing to be being in 'storage'. Everything had been minimal; always used as it was useful, and even when it wasn't, it could be made useful as a trade or something else.
She hadn't minded that way of life, really... However, things were different now! She had a handful of different outfits and not simply based on what the weather called for. And she had a place with shelves to store them in! She had shoes and other items that could be stored elsewhere, too. Those were all things that could warrant the need for a spring cleaning!
... Though, she supposed barely a Turn of having a personal weyr, would let her accumulate enough to really justify the task. She still found the idea amusing enough to try. Perhaps simply getting into the habit of it would be a good enough reason to start~
So that was how she chose to spend her afternoon, settled on her knees before the dresser, meticulously taking out each item inside and setting them around her on the floor to inspect. It would let her get a real look over everything, and perhaps rearrange them in some fashion. For the moment, her blue eyes were only going to focus on her own items. Drask had some but his were generally all necessary.
Speaking of the brown wher, Daedra paused and looked over her shoulder when she heard the loud, skin-flopping tune of Drask giving himself a good face-shake. As he stepped into the room, he noticed her on the floor, surrounded by a collection of... things. No doubt a
silly human event, but he approached, curious none the less. Daedra beamed at him happily as he dropped to his bottom in close proximity.
"
I'm spring cleaning," the redhead proudly declared, before turning so she could hold up a folded blouse. "
When spring arrives, you're supposed to go through all your belongings, and see what things you can do without! So you can make room for new things," she went on to explain.
Drask only snorted at the concept. Humans did seem to like collecting things, though he supposed it was a 'Weyr' thing, too. Afterall, he was very fond of his blankets and---
The brown suddenly jerked up and sent a look towards the much smaller woman. Daedra blinked in confusion when she noticed his almost displeased and uneasy expression. It was only when he snorted and looked to his pile of folded 'treasures' by his corner, did she immediately understand.
"
Oh, don't worry, Drask," she soothed to him. "
You won't have to give up your blankies! Spring cleaning is for things you don't use or want anymore, and you clearly use and want your blankets, so they stay! I'm only going through my own things anyway," Daedra chirped cheerfully, showing him the blouse in her two hands.
"
Look at this! This was the shirt I was wearing when we first came to High Reaches," the redhead exclaimed, clearly feeling the detail to be important. "
I haven't really used it since then, as they gave me new clothes to use. I suppose I could try and make an effort to wear it a bit more now. I think spring cleaning could be a good excuse to look fondly over things, too!"
To illustrate her point, Daedra shifted the folded lump of fabric, letting it fall open enough so she could really see it. However, another bit of material fell from it. Both she and Drask turned their gaze down as it hit the floor. At first, the redhead panicked, thinking it was part of the blouse that had been ravaged by cloth-eaters. When she looked closer, Daedra could see it was a made completely different from her blouse.
Daedra set the shirt aside and picked up the dropped item, realizing it to be a handkerchief. As she held it, the color and pattern of the weave suddenly flooded her with the realization of what it was, her fingers pressing into the little bit of cloth. It wasn't something that had originally belonged to her.
"
Oh... I remember this," Daedra said quietly, eyes low and focused on the little square of fabric. Drask looked up towards his handler, waiting for her to explain, as he didn't follow her logic. It seemed like a scrap...
junk.
"
This belonged to Mother," she explained, a smile fondly pulling at her lips, though it fell soon enough when her eyes turned sad. "
She made the little flowers in the corners. I remember her using this to tie up and hold things."
Daedra wasn't sure why she had it. She'd had a few of her own over the years, a number of them getting lost or tearing to an unfixable state. Her mother almost never had need to replace her own, but always made sure Daedra had when she was without one. As she tried to ponder the answer, the memory suddenly hit her, clearly replaying in her head as if the memory were recent.
"
... It fell in a puddle."
Confused at the statement, Drask looked up and turned his gaze to Daedra. She was still looking over the thing in her hand, holding it open, taut between her fingers. Drask was taken aback at the sudden wash of sadness that seemed to have doused the room.
"
It was the last day she walked with us on our way to High Reaches.... We stopped on the side of a road, so we could take a break and-- and check we had everything." There was a slight crack in Daedra's voice, her emotions overtaking her as she spoke on. Drask could only silently sit and watch her, however, with each word she uttered, the wher found the memory coming back to him as well, vaguely.
"
She was--- she spoke so calmly that day. It was like it didn't bother her at all. I remember trying so hard to be cheerful that day--- for her. Because I knew she wanted me to be cheerful and smiling... Mother acted like it was just going to be a short trip for us, like when we used to go to the Hold markets while she stayed behind. I saw the handkerchief fall from her hand and hit a road puddle... It was all wet and dirty when I picked it up, but I guess in my mind, I thought I would just return it to her later... when we were done... when we---"
Drask noticed how Daedra cut her words then. His eyes lowered to the handkerchief in her hand, clean and neat, as if the event she described never happened. The wher felt a bothersome ache in his chest, as he joined her in reminisce. He may not have been bonded to the older female human as he had to Daedra, but she was included in his pack companionship. She belonged there, without argument, and Drask could admit he had been saddened greatly from the departure. Not merely a residual bout from Daedra's own sorrow, he had his own as well.
Daedra's vision suddenly blurred as she stared longer at the handkerchief. She made a small whimper, as she used the back of her arm to wipe at her eyes. Drask continued to simply sit silently, a companion beside her, as always. He was not one for verbal sorrows himself.
Eventually, the small woman let out a weary breath, her lips trembling as she tried to stay composed. "
I wonder... how she'd doing..." the redhead asked, not expecting a real answer.
"
I hope she's doing well... I wonder how she managed this past winter... if she thinks of us... You know, I just realized... I haven't thought of her much, until this point."
There was an unfamiliar tone in Daedra's voice. Drask found his eyes returning to her, a bit surprised at the subtle thing he'd caught: a remorseful bitterness. He watched as the woman's face contorted tightly in pain, trying to fight against the emotions ripping at her chest. Drask knew her statement wasn't entirely true. The wher knew Daedra had thought of her parent plenty since arriving... It was just that she had never let herself be this sad about it... So focused on getting herself and him situated in the inner workings of this place. Of fulfilling her last promise to her parent.
"
M-Mother is all--- all alone now! She... she has no one. We're here... and I don't even know where she is now... "
Despite her efforts, Daedra could not hold herself back anymore. She let out a woeful cry, as tears suddenly streamed along her cheeks like overflowing rivers. Daedra buried her face into the handkerchief, the only viable thing she could manage to replicate her mother's missing presence. A presence she had never been without until coming here... the presence she knew even before Drask... long before any she met here. The comforting family she had known since before she could remember anything tangible...
The reality of that fact hit her so brutally then. The moment she allowed herself to really think on it, to feel it and realize it, in full. Daedra would likely never be able to return the cloth back to her mother; what her mind had so foolishly made her think originally. There would be no happy reunions or new memories to make. It was now only the memories she had, and if she did not think of them enough or forget them.... that was it.
There had been a time, upon arriving to High Reaches, that Daedra hoped she would hate the Weyr. That the place would be awful and not accept them, and she and Drask could leave and go back to how they lived before. They could find her Mother easily and go far, far away and enjoy the rest of their days. Despite the harshness of it, they would endure and be together - all three of them.
But, that had not been what happened. High Reaches had accepted her and the brown immediately. Daedra quickly grew to enjoy being in the Weyr; she enjoyed the people and the other whers and the dragons. She liked the routines and the work and the rewards that came with it.
The realization of who she loved in the Weyr and who she loved outside of it could never... ever meet. Separated forever other than what her faulty human memory allowed.
It made her utterly weep.
Crumpling forward to the floor, body curled in a tight ball as she began to soak the handkerchief with her tears. Daedra wailed in utter sorrow. She wept as she understood there had been nothing else she could have done, and she wept because she was unsure if there was anything she could do. She wept... and she wept.
Drask still sat beside her, his neck and body hanging low, as he met with and understood her agony. He intended to sit quietly beside her, though it pained him to keep listening. He would keep watch over his handler; he would be sad but he would wait for her.
Until she was ready and back to herself again. However, Daedra continued to weep. Hidden safely from the constant eyes and judgements of the Weyr...
Daedra wept.