Identity Crisis [Open to fellow Weyrlings]

[nineofswords]

It had been five months, and Br'on was more or less coming to terms with the fact that he was a greenrider. He wasn't happy about it, but he was coming to terms with it. What he was not coming to term with, however, was what he thought that was supposed to mean for him.

"I don't understand how everyone else is so calm about this!" he announced to the common area at large one day, the summer heat and his own indecision finally becoming too much for him and needing to explode out of him somehow. "I mean, it's all well and good for Tygirtaull, Toska, and Spensa - they all got the right colors for them - but the rest of us have a huge decision to make! Some of you probably already have, but I can't believe you all have!"

He was honestly freaking out about a decision that would fundamentally alter the entire course of his life, and it was weird that nobody else seemed to be just as concerned as he was. Even Mesomelath was no help - not that he expected her to be, as the one who'd forced this on him - snorting at him in disdain and telling him she didn't care about all that, she was much more interested in finalizing plans to get the Weyr firmly under her control. Seriously, there was something very wrong with that green.

[Ezra]

Elle probably would not understand where Br'on was coming from. Yes, she impressed a traditionally male color, but it didn't bother her and probably would not have all that much if she preferred men either. She heard the whispers before, both from others around her as she grew and her few years as a candidate before Tredjeth chose her. Her own brother having a meltdown over impressing green. But it had been months now, time enough in her opinion to accept the reality laid before them. Maybe it was just easier for her because her dragon was much more easy going and charming, if a little naive but he was still a baby, he was allowed and she had to be a good example and try to help him along.

" Perhaps you are overthinking it? Dragons are supposed to know what is best for them and why does the hide of your dragon have to change fundamentally who you are at heart? I'm not letting the fact I am bonded to a traditionally male color change who I am. What is it that is got you spun up in such a tizzy?" Elle asked, not sure if it was going to cause the greenrider to implode on her but she truly did not understand it. E'tin had impressed a green and while he hated that for a long time, he did start to come around and it did not change him at all really, perhaps it even improved his attitude in some regards. Maybe it would be the same for Br'on?

[nineofswords]

"Yeah, I know dragons are supposed to know what's best for their partner, I'm not a baby," Br'on snapped at Elle. He'd grown up hearing the learning songs too. "I just don't see how me being a girl or gay or both is supposed to be what's best for me! I mean, I was doing just fine as a boy! And I've never found guys attractive! I don't see how trying to force myself to do that is going to be what's best for me!"

He gave a frustrated snort. "Where have you been, under a rock? Everyone knows that what color your dragon is says everything about you. Maybe it doesn't matter to you, but being a guy was always kind of a big deal to me!" He dragged a hand down his face. "But not enough of one that I think I want to start sleeping with other guys just to keep being one! But being a girl doesn't sound any more appealing, even if it meant I could still sleep with girls sometimes." He flopped back against the couch. "It's an impossible choice, and I can't believe I'm the only one struggling to figure out which way they're going with this! It's a huge decision and it's driving me crazy because no matter what I do, I'm gonna hate it!"

[Windra]

L'rnia groaned from her own weyr and emerged with a disgruntled look. She leaned against the doorframe to eye the inevitable meltdown and burst into a fit of laughter.

"Oh my freakin' Faranth, you are not a bright star are ya?" She struck a thumb against her barrel chest and waited for her stomach to stop bouncing from giggling before speaking once more. "Ya don't gotta be gay just 'cause you're on a green. Ain'cha been, like, paying attention to everything goin' on at all the Weyrs? Dudes ride girl dragons all the time. And gals are riding boys. You'll still wind up hookin' up with a chick if you wanna. Nobody's forcin' you to take part in that flightlust bit!"

A brief thought flashed over her brain and L'rnia's voice lowered into a knowing tone.

"Getting all worked up 'bout questioned masculinity ... Pfffft! Sounds like you're more worried about being called out for bein' in the closet, man!"

[nineofswords]

CW: very mild homophobia/transphobia by suggesting a masculine-presenting woman should be a man

Oh good, someone else was going to chime in on this. Br'on glared at L'rnia. "This isn't funny!" he snapped at her. "Is your life really that pathetic that you have to laugh at someone else's pain?"

He rolled his eyes at her for asking if he'd been paying attention. "Oh come on," he snapped. "Those are obviously false rumors for the most part. And the few that aren't are clearly just exceptions to the rule. For the most part, people want to stick to tradition. Just because you are loudly and proudly going to flout that does mean we all will."

"I am not getting worked up over my masculinity!" Br'on snapped at her. "I am gettign worked up over the fact that I like being a guy and I like girls, and I am going to have to give one of those up because of my stupid dragon!" He looked L'rnia up and down. "Honestly, I think it's pretty obvious to everyone but you what choice you should make. I mean, the way you dress, eliding your name...obviously you're supposed to be a guy, my dude." He didn't even sound nasty as he said it, he was just saying it like it was a point of fact.

[Femisis]

Izumi had only been listening in so far, busying himself trying to plait his hair into the perfect braid. Xith had been watching for a while, but now she was dozing and he was getting concerned. "What in the world are you talking about?" He asked with a frown as he emerged from his own room, arms crossed over his chest. "Impression doesn't change who you are or who you may or may not love. You're still a man and you still like who you like. Your dragon doesn't change that. If your preferences change, that's on you." He didn't like the implication that one's dragon dictated their... well, anything. Dragons, generally, chose you for who you were and didn't magically change their rider into something or someone else.