Volkhardt and Zolfiviath

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AnubianJackal
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Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:02 pm
Location: Cedar Creek, Texas (USA)
    Wed Oct 31, 2018 11:49 pm

Volkhardt and Zolfiviath

Volkhardt
Image

BASICS

RETIRE INFO: Dragon - Taken With Me / Human - Retire
NAME: Volkhardt
GENDER: Male
PRONOUNS: He/Him/His
ORIENTATION: Homosexual

BIRTHDATE: Late Spring 2723
AGE: 45 as of Late Spring 2768
LOCATION: Fort Weyr
OCCUPATION: Dragon Rider
WING: Midnight Wing

APPEARANCE
EYES: Blue
HAIR: Blond
HEIGHT AND BUILD: 6'4” with a muscular build due to constant training.
PLAY-BY: Unknown currently, but will update if found.
FULL APPEARANCE: Dressed in a cloth version of a knight's garb with a flowing blond beard. He keeps his hair short with a comb over.

PERSONALITY
PERSONALITY: Loyal to the cause yet a little arrogant and selfish. Very easy to get along with but when he gets drunk, he can be set off into a fist fight.

HISTORY
FAMILY: Unknown
SIGNIFICANT OTHER: Single
BIRTHPLACE: A small cothold.
HISTORY: Growing up in a small cothold... he worked tireless days on a farm with his parents. On his twenty-four birthday, a dragonrider stopped by the colthold for water and rest before resuming his trek home. He has since taken over the small farm due to his parent's death. When it came time to leave, the rider told Volkhardt that he could be a Dragon Rider due to his kindness for strangers. Being at the age of twenty-four, he was able to leave home with the rider and start his training. His journey to Fort Weyr was a long and hard one but he made it, passing the first of many tests that awaited him.

On the first day of training, they all gathered at the hatching grounds. It was a glorious event when the whelplings hatched. It was time. Each whelpling approached someone else until a dark bronze colored dragon approached Volkhardt and after nipping at his hand, he placed it on the whelpling's head and they formed an impression. Finally, he could start classes but they would prove to be harder than he was expecting.

His two years of class were brutal. He learned everything about his new friend and the duties of a Dragon Rider. He even learned something not on the curriculum due to him falling for one of his classmates... but that went nowhere due to the other guy having a girlfriend already. He started growing out his beard due to liking how it looked. Plus, his dragon nuzzled it from time to time.

Two long years passed and he was ready for the final test. The final flight! He mounted his dragon and took off. The wind blowing through his beard felt amazing so he decided to never shave it off. The final test was hard but he passed and they were granted full rider status. Now he can start his job as a dragon rider of Fort Weyr. It has been thirteen years since that fateful day... but what does the future hold?
Last edited by AnubianJackal on Thu Nov 01, 2018 12:10 am, edited 4 times in total.
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AnubianJackal
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Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2018 9:02 pm
Location: Cedar Creek, Texas (USA)
    Wed Oct 31, 2018 11:50 pm

Zolfiviath
Image


BASICS

NAME: Lord Zolfiviath
BIRTHDATE Late Spring 2747
AGE: 19 as of Late Spring 2768

APPEARANCE
LENGTH: 53 Feet
HEIGHT: 14 Feet
WINGSPAN: 82 Feet
COLOR: Bronze
HEX CODE: #191609
FULL APPEARANCE: He is a dark bronze color with middle stats for his breed. Growing up, he got called Mud Skin for his color variant but has since grown past those insults. His inner wings are a shade of orange he calls fire wings. He even has taken the nickname Firewing because of them. His underbelly is a pale and flesh colored, giving a sharp contrast between his main color and underbelly. During a ride with his rider, he was surprised by a sudden shift in the wind direction and fell, scratching his right eye, giving it a permanent scar across it despite his rider's repeated attempts to heal it.

PERSONALITY
PERSONALITY: A bit snobbish to anyone who isn't his rider and tries to get along with other dragons. Like his rider, he is a little arrogant and selfish but he is very loyal to his rider and will support him in any way he can.
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Arcane
Wandering Peacekeeper
 
Posts: 4950
Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 5:43 pm
    Fri Nov 02, 2018 7:21 pm

Okay first off- Please read the info threads we link you, it will help you learn the world and lore. You can also glance at some other profiles if you need some guidance as to how most people on Pern live.

I go into some detail below but the main point is- Volkhardt and Zolfiviath need to be made into characters that belong on Pern. We are open to what we allow to be adapted into a character, but it needs to be adapted to fit the site and the lore.

The thread title should include the dragon's color. For example "Volkhardt of Bronze Zolfiviath"

Appearance: We require a full paragraph for appearance. You can branch out into how he walks, what he speaks like, whatever you'd like but flesh it out a bit. Also what do you mean by "cloth knight's garb"? Pern doesn't have knights. Please be more specific. Do you mean a long tunic and leggings? Remember when actually riding he'll need riding leathers- special clothes riders use for protection.

His play-by must be named. If you cannot find the name for this model, I suggest choosing a more well known actor from a TV show or movie. For instance, Game of Thrones has many knightly looking men, some of them even have beards. Play-bys are not required though. Some characters just go without pictures although if you go that route I suggest describing what your character looks like in words.

Personality: This section must be at least two paragraphs. Flesh it out. What does he like? How does he spend his time? How does he relate to people? How does he see the world? How is he selfish? What sort of things make him lose his temper while drunk? What does he think of the leadership? Of the state of the weyr? Is he a traditionalist? Things like that will all help flesh out who he is as a character.

Also what do you mean by "the cause"? Is it a specific cause? The fight to protect Pern? Any issue he's decided is important that day?

History: How is his family unknown if he grew up with them? Just make up some names and fill out who his parents are and any siblings he has. Also please give a general location for his cothold. Just "A small cothold in Fort's territory" is fine.

The ordering of the first paragraph seems a bit odd. I presume his parents died and he took over the farm before the rider came? Please try to order events chronologically for everyone's ease of comprehension.

The circumstances of his search do not make sense. Riders and dragons can teleport through a place known as between which means they don't take long journeys across Pern. Candidates are chosen through a process known as Search, where dragons look at potential candidates and Search the ones with telepathic potential. It's not about having a kind heart or being nice to strangers. The ability to Impress is simply something some people have and others don't and that dragons can detect. It's not a moral judgment.

Once he was Searched, the Searchpair would simply fly Volkhardt to the weyr, teleporting again through between. He wouldn't be left to make his own way and it wouldn't be a particularly difficult journey.

After arriving at the weyr, he would have had lessons as a part of candidacy to teach him what being a rider entailed. Volkhardt would not have had the chance to Impress until a gold's clutch was ready to hatch and would likely have spent some time at the weyr learning before then.

Hatchlings on Pern are not known as whelplings- they are called hatchlings or dragonets. Impression doesn't require any physical contact- the dragon looks into his rider's eyes, the dragon's eyes turn rainbow and a telepathic bond is forged. Bronzes even as hatchlings are big enough a bite would cause some serious damage and most dragonets do not bite their riders. If he was bitten- you need to explain why his own dragon would bite him. This is not an excuse to say he bit his rider out of that sheer malice or on a whim. Hatchlings are stressed and easily overwhelmed until they find their match and this is usually why bites happen.

Weyrlinghood isn't particularly brutal. Weyrlings have lessons, do chores and bond with their dragonet. The classes shouldn't have come as any great shock because Volkhardt would have attended similar ones throughout candidacy. Note that weyrlings are not allowed to be physically intimate and should be focused on their dragons and studies- not their romantic prospects. Also in Volkhardt's case, weyrlinghood occurred over a decade ago. His crush does not need to be mentioned unless it somehow made a lasting impression (for instance if this was when he realized he romantically preferred men) in which case you need to explain that.

Weyrlinghood lasts 1 and a half years, not two. They practice flying from the sixth month onwards. While weyrlings do have to pass a final exam, it's not anything this dramatic. It's just a test to prove they've learned what they need to know and are ready to be riders. Most don't think much of it once it's done.

Please add a few sentences about what he's been up to since weyrlinghood. It's been 15 years. That's a huge chunk of his life. What's his life been like in all that time? Please read our timeline. A lot's happened in the time he's been a rider. When he graduated, he would have been fighting a war against other weyrs. Peace was declared and thread started again during his tenure as a rider. And that's without going into any of the Fort Weyr internal politics. Some of this should be addressed.

Zolfiviath: Dragons are Pern are not called "Lord". Zolfiviath can style himself that but nobody else is going to call him Lord Zolfiviath.

Appearance: Dragons on Pern do not have stats. If you mean he is of average size, please simply say so although note that he is on the larger end of bronzes. There are other dark bronzes on Pern so he would not have been given a demeaning nickname over it. Not to mention "Mudskin" has some nasty RL connotations so please cut that.

Personality: This must be expanded to two full paragraphs. The same as for his rider- how does he relate to others? What are his political views? Does he have ambitions of his own? How does he approach his duties? Does he work hard or like goofing off?
Fort
Essa of Bronze Gectusith
Wingleader S'bor of Bronze Yugoth
ACM Estelle of Brown Jaehaeryth
Faralyn of Brown Grooth
Ieyasu of Brown Ieyask
Weyrling P'pin of Brown Palath
T'rin of Brown Celeth
G'er of Garnet Neozeoth
Lily of Garnet Eridieth
Weyrling Ly'nk of Garnet Sakuyath
Relli of Garnet Rellivask and Blue Relsk
Weyrling Augury of Blue Velveth
Chrysanthe of Blue Bidath
Lord Consort Corleon of Blue Corleosk (Fort Hold)
Gellera of Blue Virtrath
Miryem of Blue Riwenth
Weyrling Thor of Blue Hinokath
Wingsecond L'ir of Green Byth
Numann of Green Rannath
Rhea of Green Rheask
S'atyl of Green Nineveth
Makoto of White Usakinth
Weyrling Riku of White Taissath
Wingsecond Tyrion of White Voluntauth
Candidate Quinn
Weyrbrat Norelli
High Reaches
Elyron of Gold Elysk and Green Elyrosk
Hela of Bronze Helsk and Brown Hesk (W)
Sr. Flightleader Schneizel of Bronze Damocleth
Di'a of Brown Kasshuth
Weyrling Dobby of Brown Kersuth
Wingleader Myalla of Brown Enarth
Weyrling Th'ou of Brown Pavith
Wingsecond D'ark of Garnet Masreith
Eliza of Garnet Riaath
Squadsecond Tomas of Garnet Tomask and White Tsk (W)
Allura of Blue Sendaith
Weyrling Master Camilla of Blue Kamuith
Jae of Blue Zappath
Sandy of Blue Rugrunth
Tamara of Blue Requeth
Jr. Wherleader Zhuli of Blue Zhusk
Ailee of Green Suventh
Kanon of Green Kibeth
Kip of Green Amizuth
Sokka of Green Wintrath
Semaca Weyr
Arena of Void Oscamith
Alayna of Gold Wyzeth
Al'bus of Bronze Matanuth
Noor of Bronze Nuunieth
Weyrling Hermione of Brown Echoneth
Sage of Brown Wisketoth
Shuri of Brown Motath
Varda of Brown Magmeth
Wherling Maui of Garnet Mausk and Blue Mask
Uruk of Garnet Georsath
Anoni of Blue Cermurith
Artemis of Blue Phoebuth
Candidatemaster Naxen of Blue Anitoth
Point Rigel of Blue Cygneth
Ya'ra of Blue Dymrith
Ariel of Green Kshatriyath
Captain Vella of Green Vellask and Magma Vesk (W)
V'rell of Green Peridoth
Wyatt of Green Emilith
Aeris of White Tarth
Kowal of White Kowalsk
R'tan of White Mazath
Steward Molly
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